I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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