hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
