My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So vagazzling was a success
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
