she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
