So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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