apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
