you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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