that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
