fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
