I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
