I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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