I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
