he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
