fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
