Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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