my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
