Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
