My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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