That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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