He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's shark week go big or go home
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
