My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
