She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
