I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
