My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
