also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
