last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
