Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize