He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
