Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
