And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everclear isn't food dammit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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