8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
