Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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