my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
