I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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