bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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