The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
