if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
