i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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