Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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