Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
