i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
