I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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