Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My vagina is officially offended.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
