They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize