you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We talked him into tasing himself.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
