shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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