We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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