allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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