i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
