I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she looked like the before picture.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
