Do you still have your period?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
