There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
