So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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