Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
