i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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