remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
