Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
