you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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