SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize