There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize