Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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