I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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