just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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