I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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